


A Final Goodbye

by top_me_daenerys



Series: Soran One-shots [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, don't worry it's not any of your favs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/top_me_daenerys/pseuds/top_me_daenerys
Summary: Sonny's having a rough time dealing with the sudden passing of a close family member.Lindsey's there to help her every step of the way.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Series: Soran One-shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677394
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	A Final Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I got the inspiration for this fic from my own life and experience with the death of someone very close to me. It's been a year since he has passed and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. This one-shot is kinda my way of dealing with that.

Emily Sonnett got the text late, late one night when she was supposed to be sleeping. 

She could hear her roommate, Kelley's, soft snores as the time ticked past midnight. If she peeked over the railing of her lofted bed, she would be able to see Kelley's chest rise and fall, full of life. The other girl had told her that she would stay up with Sonny--a promise that Sonnett was glad her roommate broke. 

It was well past one in the morning when Emily Sonnett got the text. It was a text from her father that simply read;

 **Dadvader** : grandad passed away this morning. call me when you can. 

Sonnett's breath caught in her throat. The words on the screen glared up at her, each letter sending a spike of hurt to her heart. Sonnett quickly locked her phone, tossing it to the side. Her heart was racing, her mind felt like mud. She ran her hands through her hair a few times, feeling like crying but no tears seemed to come. She lay there for an hour, staring at the ceiling. Numb. 

Her grandad was her grandfather on her dad's side. He had always been a funny old man, different than Sonnett's father. His eyes always seemed to be lit up and he never failed to have a trick up his sleeve. He was a very committed grandfather, trying his hardest to be at every birthday, graduation, and soccer game. Emily and he were especially close. When she was back in Georgia, he would always take her out on a 'grandad date'. However, the last 'grandad date' Sonny had, he told her that he had been diagnosed with stage four cancer and that it had already metastasized and he wasn't afraid to hold her when she cried. 

That was less than a month ago. 

He deteriorated fast. So fast that Emily was flown back to Georgia just for one weekend to celebrate Easter with him. It was hard. Easter. Sonnett had always loved the holiday for spiritual and family reasons. However, seeing her grandad feeble, almost unresponsive, sitting in his chair, a blank look on his face made Easter have a whole new meaning for Sonny. His eyes, though, did light up when he saw her face. 

Some of Sonny's younger cousins thought he looked scary and didn't want to go see him. Others, the older ones, seemed to cling to him like a lifeline. He talked to Sonny low, rough, and quiet about soccer, about how school was going. It was tough but it was also one of Sonnett's favorite memories of her grandfather. 

When it was time for her to leave, she wasn't able to say goodbye. Her father was in a rush as she was due to be on a plane in two hours. However, as she was being pushed into a car, Sonny looked back and swore she saw her grandad lift a weak arm for a small wave. "We'll fly you out soon," Sonny's dad promised, "you'll get your goodbye." 

That was a week ago. 

And Sonny felt like her whole world was burning to the ground. She never got her final goodbye. 

Slowly, silently, Sonny climbed down from her bed. She crept past Kelley--who was still fast asleep--and into the hallway where she paced back and forth the small hallways of her freshman dorm. Her mind a mess. Eventually, she found herself breaking down in the middle shower of her communal bathroom. When she was able to bring herself back to her tiny dorm room, the sun was rising causing rays to shoot through the window in the middle of the room, giving it light. Sonny had no motivation to get back into her bed so she sat herself down in the chair to her desk, faced away from Kelley. She mindlessly doodled, thinking about her grandfather and his life. 

He was Irish, though his last name painted him as English. A devoted Catholic--though he was more accepting of Emily when she came out than her own father. Extremely well-loved in the community. He was a known well as a fair and just Judge in the local courts. 

When Kelley's alarm went off at 9:00, Sonnett shook herself out of the daze that she seemed to have put herself into. She looked down and found she had drawn a crucifix that was laid perfectly in a bed of four-leaf clovers. She could hear Kelley's groan and muttering so Sonny turned in her chair to face her friend. Kelley smacked her lips and gave Sonny a look, "You're up early."

Sonny nodded. She debated for a second whether or not to tell Kelley what was happening. She figured that since it was more than likely she'd be leaving to go back to Georgia in the next few days that telling Kelley would be a good idea. "My grandad died last night," Sonny blurted out. Kelley's eyes widened and she sputtered out, "Wh-what?" Sonny didn't say anything more, she just stared at Kelley a slightly vacant look in her eyes. 

"Do you, uh, can I hug you? Should I call Lindsey? What do you need?" Sonnett shook her head. "Please don't tell Lindsey yet. I don't want her to worry." Kelley narrowed her eyes at Sonnett. "Emily," Kelley rarely called Sonny by her first name, "Lindsey has been worried about you since you got back from Spring break. You haven't... really been present." 

Sonnett was dating Lindsey Horan. She was the most beautiful, perfect girl who had put up with all of Sonnett's bullshit since September. Ever since her grandfather had gotten sick, Sonnett found herself less and less able to concentrate on her girlfriend and had been extremely drawn back, quiet, stuck in her own head. However, Lindsey had never complained. She only tugged Sonny closer every time the girl seemed to be drifting off. 

Sonny just stared a Kelley pleadingly. Kelley sighed, "Fine. I won't tell her. But she's gonna know something's up." Sonny shrugged, sudden tiredness washing over her entire body. "I just... I wanna be alone," Sonny said. Kelley looked at her roommate helplessly, "What classes do you have today?" Sonny groaned, throwing her head into her hands, "Fuck I forgot about class." Kelley shook her head, "No, no. I'll go to your class today, take notes. Just tell me what classes." Her eyes started watering and in a low, hoarse voice, Sonny whispered, "Kelley you don't have to do that." Sonny felt the thud of Kelley flopping off of her captained bed. She heard the light sounds of Kelley's bare footsteps against the hardwood floor. Kelley's hands pulled her up, forcing her to face the slightly taller girl. "Let me do this for you, Emily," Sonny felt tears well up in her eyes, Kelley pulled her into a hug and she fully broke down in her best friend's arms, her knees going weak so Kelley had to hold her up. "Please let me call Lindsey," Kelley whispered in Sonny's ear, "she doesn't have classes today, you're not a burden." After a few moments, Sonny nodded, gave Kelley her schedule for the day, and climbed back into bed, covering herself with a blanket. She heard Kelley getting ready for the day, now with double the classes. She could, also, hear Kelley talking softly to someone on the phone as she exited the room. 

Lindsey only lived two floors below Kelley and Sonnett. That's how the two met, in fact. During the first week of school, the RAs in the dorm hosted an "open door night" where people could roam around and meet their peers. Sonnett had been spending a lot of time in Lindsey's room ever since. 

A soft knock on the door told Sonny that Lindsey was outside. She made no movement to get up, though. The door creaked open and Sonnett heard the familiar slap of Lindsey's slides. "Son?" Her girlfriend spoke in a low, soft voice, "Can I get up there with you?" Sonny uncovered her head, revealing her puffy red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. "Oh, babe," Lindsey whispered, moving to climb up the ladder of Sonnett's lofted bed. Lindsey positioned herself behind her girlfriend, wrapping one of her arms around Sonny's waist, the other went to Sonny's head, combing her fingers gently through Sonnett's hair. "I'm here," Lindsey whispered softly into Sonny's ear. Sonnett felt her shoulders relax slightly, leaning back into her girlfriend. 

They lay there for hours. At some point, Sonny fell asleep. When she woke up, a world of hurt hit her hard when she remembered everything that had happened. "Linds," Sonny whined, tears leaking from her eyes again. Lindsey perked up, tightening her grip around Sonny's waist. "I didn't get to say goodbye," Sonny gasped out, her mind slowly turning from numb to pure pain. Lindsey's eyes widened, she didn't know what to say. Sonnett started sobbed, loud, heavy cries that made it hard for her to breathe. "Lindsey," Sonny was struggling to breathe, "I can't... I can't..." 

Lindsey hurriedly moved Sonny so she was facing her, "Hush... don't talk. Just focus on me. Okay? Follow my breathing," Lindsey took one of Sonnett's hands and placed it on her chest, "Felt that?" Sonny nodded, she could feel steady beat of Lindsey's heart and the exaggerated rise and fall of her breath. Slowly Sonny was able to calm down, resting her ear against Lindsey's chest, listening to her heartbeat. "He wanted to meet you," Sonny whispered, "he did. He told me. He said I talk about you too much for me to not bring you home." Lindsey sighed, leaned over, and kissed the top of Sonnett's head, "I wanted to meet him, too, Sonny." The laid there in silence for a little while longer. "Will you come with me?" Lindsey gave her a questioning look, "to the funeral? Please? I... don't know if I can do it without you. I'll get my family to buy you a ticket, I promise." Lindsey nodded, "I wouldn't miss it for the world." 

Kelley came back to the dorm a little while later with a packet full of notes for Sonny, but the girl was asleep again. Lindsey gave Kelley a thankful look when she quietly walked in, placing the bunch of papers on Sonny's desk. "How is she?" Kelley asked. Lindsey shook her head, "Not good." Kelley nodded quietly, moving to sit on her bed. "Sam, Mal, and Rose were asking where she was. I told Alex but not them." Lindsey nodded, "I don't know if she'll want to go to dinner." 

After a few minutes of Kelley and Lindsey discussing the next plan of action, Sonny slowly woke up. 

"Hey, sleepyhead," Kelley joked. Sonny groaned, mumbling, "Oh God, you're back," and snuggled closer to Lindsey. It made Kelley chuckle and Lindsey shake her head in amusement. "I'm gonna be going to dinner with the girls pretty soon if you want to come," Kelley breached the topic, lightly, carefully. Sonnett seemed to think about it for a moment. She was insanely hungry on one hand, but on the other, she really didn't want to see anyone. Lindsey whispered, "I think it would be good for you to get out of this room for a little bit."

Sonnett finally agreed. She climbed down from her bed and grabbed sweats and a hoodie to change into. Lindsey decided to go back to her room and change as well. Kelley and Sonny met back up with her in the lobby of the dorm room, on their way to the Dining Hall. It was a short walk. Sonny kept her hood up the entire time. Lindsey held her hand and it made her feel a little bit better about being in public. When they entered the dining hall everything seemed to be in chaos, like usual, but it was irritating Sonny much more today than it ever had. Lindsey dragged her to the pasta line and a girl Sonny recognized from her Anthropology class plopped a huge serving of spaghetti onto her plate. Lindsey then grabbed her hand and pulled her across the huge space to a small, round table in the back where they sat with their friends every night. 

"Dear Lord, you look like shit," Mal said, little crumbs of garlic bread falling from her mouth, as Sonny sat down. Alex, who was sitting next to her, kicked her shin under the table. Sonny let out a little laugh but didn't say anything, just stared at her spaghetti trying to find the will to eat it. Mal, Rose, and Sam looked at each other confused while Alex, Kelley, and Lindsey gave each other a knowing look. Lindsey leaned over and whispered in Sonny's ear, "Can you just eat a little bit of it for me? I know you're hungry." Sonny picked up her fork and swirled a little bit of the pasta onto it and then shoved it into her mouth. Rose gave Lindsey a look and Lindsey mouthed back, "Tell you later."

A light, small talk surface-level conversation occupied the attention of most of the students at the table. Sonny continued to stare down at her food, able to will herself to take a bit every so often. Every so often a worried glace would be thrown in her direction, but Sonny paid no attention to it. A sudden vibration in her pocket made her jump slightly in her seat. She pulled out her phone and saw that her dad was calling her. Sonny gulped, dread coursing through her body. However, she turned her body away from her friends, facing towards the wall of the dining hall, bringing the phone up to her ear to answer it. 

"Hello?" Sonny rasped out. There was slightly shuffling on the other end of the line. 

"Hi, Emily," Her dad's dejected voice made her eyes well up with tears for the umpteenth time that day. 

"How are you?" Sonnett cringed at herself. She knew how he was feeling. There was a long pause on the other end of the line. 

"I'm not doing so good, honey." Her father's voice cracked in the middle of the sentence which made the tears finally start to fall from Sonny's eyes. She felt the light pressure of Lindsey's hand on her back, rubbing her tense shoulders, quietly. "I'm here with everyone," her dad said after a moment. "Everyone?" Sonny asked, a little confused. "Yeah, the whole family is here. We miss you," And somehow that made everything worse. She was alone in Virginia with her grief while her family was in Georgia, together, with theirs. "Do you wanna say hi?" Sonny gulped, not sure if she would be able to but she whispered out a short, "sure."

She could hear the phone being shuffled around as each person gave her a tearful 'hello', and each one asked, 'how's school?' And somehow with each person's voice, Sonny's heart felt heavier. She wasn't able to be there with them. It was when her Aunt said, "I wanted to drive all the way up there and get you, but I knew there wouldn't have been time," that Sonny felt her throat close up, cracking when she replied, "I love you, Aunt Cathy." 

She didn't know until later that her Aunt Cathy had volunteered to be the hospice nurse for her Grandad. That her Aunt Cathy would be plagued with the nightmares of her father's death for the rest of her life. 

When she got off the phone, her wet spaghetti looked even more unappetizing than before. 

For the next week, Sonny felt like a zombie. It was decided that she and Lindsey would be flown out to Georgia on Friday and then fly back to Virginia on Tuesday morning. That week, Lindsey felt a little bit like a hospice nurse. She had to help Sonny with some of the most simple tasks, like reminding her to eat, or reminding her to shower. Kelley, Alex, Rose, and Sam took turns going to Sonny's classes, helping her with her school work. Rose even wrote a six-page essay for her. 

Sonny was so grateful for her friends but she couldn't express it. Every time she tried, she would break down into tears. "It's okay," they would say, putting a hand on her shoulder, "we're doing this because we love you." Sometimes Kelley would add, "Plus, I owe you one for that time we almost got arrested." Which would make Sonny laugh, the pain in her heart lifted for just a moment before it came crashing down again. 

On that Friday, she and Lindsey flew out to Georgia. Sonny didn't remember much of the flight or how Alex drove them to the Airport. Her mind was on the funeral, on trying not to show Lindsey all the pain harbored in her heart--even though it was clear to anyone close to her how hard she was taking it. When they got to Georgia, Sonnett's mom and sister picked them up. Sonnett shared a long with both women but Lindsey wasn't expecting to be pulled into the hug as well. 

"Oh Lindsey," Sonnett's mom cried, "You're so sweet for taking care of Emily. So, so, so beautiful." Emma rolled her eyes, mouthing, "sorry" to Lindsey. But the girl had never felt more validated. 

Sonnett's father was a mess. Worse than Sonny, Lindsey noted. Emma had updated them in the car about her father's condition but nothing could prepare Lindsey for the man to fully break down in her arms. The man who had not respected her and Sonny's relationship only months prior. It seemed to be a startling reality. The people in Sonnett's family who had been very outspoken homophobic and disrespectfully of Sonny and Lindsey's relationship seemed to have had a complete change of attitude. Sonny was pulled into so many hugs, as was Lindsey. Everyone was asking them about school, their relationship, anything to keep their minds off of what was to happen the next day. 

The funeral mass was a grave deal. Lindsey found herself sat in the second row of a giant Catholic church, wearing a long, unflattering, black skirt and a black blouse with puffy sleeves that reached her mid arms. Sonnett sat close next to her. She had on black, fitted slacks and a nice, button-up dress shirt. Neither girl wore makeup because they knew it would only be washed off with tears. Sonnett's father gave the Eulogy and right off the bat, there wasn't a dry eye in the audience. The priest doing the mass was an old school friend of Sonny's grandad. He was a little bit of a strange fellow, but a family friend none the less. When mass had ended, Lindsey got up with Sonnett and walked out to the parking lot where her grandad's casket was being loaded into the car. A bucket with holy water and an aspergillum for each member of the family to sprinkle holy water over the casket as it was being loaded into the back of the car. When that had finished, Lindsey found herself in the back of Sonnett's parent's car, smooshed between her girlfriend and Emma. Sonny's hand rested lightly in Lindsey, the girl was gazing out the window. 

When they reached the burial site, things seemed to get real fast. There were bagpipes playing a sorrowful tone as the car rolled up, the casket was placed next to a giant hole in the ground. Lindsey, again, stood quietly next to Sonnett, their hands linked. Some of Sonny's cousins surrounded them as well as aunts and uncles. There was another prayer given by the priest. Roses were handed out to drop into the grave after the casket was lowered. 

As the casket was being lowered, Ave Maria was being played, one of Sonny's relatives was singing it. Lindsey could hear Sonnett's sobs next to her. She squeezed the girl's hand tighter, letting her know she was right there. About halfway through the song, Sonny's knees seemed to give out and she fell to her knees in the wet grass. Lindsey was pulled down with her. The girl was crying, hard. Lindsey looked up at Emma who had her own tears streaming down her face. Lindsey quietly wrapped Sonny into her arms, her line of slight down at the ground when a twinkle caught her eye. 

Laying there on the ground, mere inches from Sonny and Lindsey was a small crucifix in a perfect bed of four-leaf clovers. Lindsey's eyes widened, shock filling her entire being and her own tears beginning to stream down her face, remembering the drawing that Sonny had done the day her grandfather had passed. 

"Sonny," Lindsey's voice cracked, "I think he said his final goodbye." 

Sonny looked up and saw the small crucifix laying there in front of her, just as it had appeared every night in her dreams. 

A weight seemed to be lifted from her chest as she cried even harder, carefully picking up the small metal cross and holding it tight to her chest. 

"Goodbye Grandad," were the words that came out of Sonny's mouth; broken but healing.


End file.
